[Editor’s Note: This Community Voices piece comes from Lydia Thomson of the U.K.]
There are such a lot of methods you possibly can slice a DNF (didn’t end). “It simply wasn’t your day.” “You probably did the precise factor.” “Understanding when to cease is even more durable than ending.” “You’ll come again stronger.” “It’s nonetheless an ideal achievement.”
After I dropped from my first try at working 100 miles, on the 2023 Thames Path 100 Mile, these types of encouraging condolences got here flooding in from my associates. I nodded weakly and stated, “Thanks,” however on the time, none of those really sat proper. What did I need individuals to say?
In the course of the hour I spent sitting in an assist station at mile 71, I desperately wished somebody to simply stage with me. To correctly hear me out. I do know what a low level seems to be like, and this wasn’t it. Type hearts pressed sweets into my arms and invited me to stroll with them. “Have some scorching meals earlier than you determine. Some tacky beans?” My eyes flooded with tears. I may solely smile and shake my head.
My DNF was on account of a specific amount of psychological burnout. I used to be within the strategy of transferring home and altering jobs on the time. About 45 miles into the race, the River Thames overwhelmed me and I had a panic assault. I imagined strolling into the following assist station and dramatically proclaiming, “It’s not my physique that’s injured, it’s my thoughts.”
Working 100 miles is a fierce and exquisite beast, and you probably have something occurring mentally or bodily, the race will discover it and drive you to stare lengthy and onerous at it. It’s not about how far you possibly can run, it’s about how lengthy you possibly can stare.
Lydia Thomson in the course of the 2023 Thames Path 100 Mile. All images courtesy of Lydia Thompson.
“That is the place you’ll uncover who you actually are,” one sort runner stated to me. “However what if I don’t wish to know?” I replied, and the entire assist station laughed in sympathy. However it was the truest factor I may have stated.
So right here, now, on the sweat-soaked, dribbling finish of the race, nursing a cup of tea, I had no tenacity left to rally. However neither did I come right here for a dying march. I used to be right here to do my finest and nothing much less. A fizzing, bright-eyed girl advised me that if I completed this one, I might by no means must do one other one. However that was the precise downside: I desperately wished to do one other one, and do it higher.
As I sat there, watching the ladies who had been behind me flood into the help station, I selected to be taught from and be impressed by them. Subsequent time, I too could be marching neatly towards the snacks, choosing precisely what I wanted with nimble fingers and laughing with the volunteers.
The time it takes to run an ultramarathon is a extremely very long time. It’s a very long time to be sad. I’m not speaking in regards to the regular ebbs and flows, the crushing low factors, the ache cave or bonking. I imply essentially having an atrocious day. I’d felt cripplingly low for 10-plus hours by this level. There was no means I used to be getting back from the lifeless. I had realized sufficient and there was nothing to be gained from me carrying on. It could solely impede my probabilities of doing this once more quickly, and doing it how I wished to.
In case your essential objective is to complete the race, then you shouldn’t drop simply since you’re having a foul day. But when the wheels haven’t solely come off, however they’ve rolled into the river and been swept out to sea, and also you’ve nonetheless received 30 miles to go, you’re allowed to throw within the soggy towel.
I wish to normalize dropping from a race simply since you really, truthfully don’t wish to proceed. I desire a model of this sport the place there isn’t a glory within the dying march — not in case you don’t need it. Individuals advised me I’d be kicking myself for dropping. I by no means, ever did. why? As a result of that is what my associates additionally stated:
“That was an ideal coaching run. You’ll get it subsequent time.”
I gave myself a while earlier than I booked the following try to verify I’d go into it with the precise physique and thoughts. Three months later, I used to be on the beginning line for the 2023 North Downs Approach 100 Mile, a hillier course that higher suited my soul. I went out at a extremely conservative tempo, and over the course of the day, I moved up the rankings. Within the remaining 10 kilometers, kicking with all the pieces I had left, I overtook a girl to place myself on the rostrum. I completed in third place and in simply over 23 hours.
Lydia Thomson crossing the end line on the 2023 North Downs Approach 100 Mile, her first 100-mile end.
Retribution feels fairly nice. It feels significantly nice as a result of this was what I wished to be able to. All I wished was to complete sturdy. However the place does that go away the DNF?
Some of the hanging issues about Sally McRae’s latest movies — “Each Step Ahead” and “Racing Tahoe” — is the way during which she relentlessly pushes on. Her ft are principally falling off and her abdomen is totally failing her for miles of the races, however nonetheless she strives. Likewise, listeners to Dylan Bowman’s account of his 2023 Hardrock 100 on the Freetrail podcast can be left completely awestruck that he completed that race in any respect. It’s an astonishing journey of the thoughts.
What is obvious in each of those instances is that that they had a robust “why” for ending. They’d the next objective. And certainly, if somebody had stated to me, “You must end this race for the sake of the illustration of ladies on this sport,” I prefer to assume that I might have rallied for this objective.
By the way, in the course of the 100 miler that I did end, I used to be on my interval, and had a low level once I realized it was 10 miles till the following rest room the place I may discreetly change. And I had cramps. Simply as I used to be knee deep in sulking, none aside from Sophie Energy — founding father of the group SheRACES — ran previous me in the other way, waving and smiling on a coaching run.
Immediately my totally manageable situation paled into insignificance. I used to be not alone with this downside on this world. I used to be experiencing one thing that she was actively working to make higher. It was simply the tinder I wanted to stop my pity occasion and begin combating once more.
That’s what resolve felt like. That’s what I couldn’t entry the primary time. Maybe that is the marker of success or failure.
I feel I may solely do any of this due to the DNF. I’m grateful for it. Settled in my new house within the weeks after the race, and again working the paths, I used to be grateful that I saved my legs the agony of that further 30 miles. For me — and possibly for you — dropping was the best respect I may have proven to my thoughts, physique, and targets that day.
I’m on this for the lengthy haul. I’m all in.
Name for Feedback
- Have you ever had any DNFs that you just don’t remorse or are grateful for?
- The place do you draw the road in deciding it’s time to stop?
