Good morning.
We’ve all had plenty of laughs right here through the years, however it’s necessary to cease every so often and take into account the much less lucky amongst us. Think about skilled bike owner Lachlan Morton, who has been compelled to undertake his outré publicity stunts endurance rides on a shitty disc brake Cannondale with a silly battery-powered derailleur:
Which he was compelled to shift with a spoke:
Like so:
So principally a Campagnolo rod shifter:
After all this isn’t the primary time Morton has been undone by his tools, and two years in the past he made headlines when his plastic biking sneakers began bothering him and so he rode the Tour de France alone whereas sporting Birkenstocks:
The Fredly media shops particularly have been astonished, as till then it was broadly thought-about unattainable to journey a bicycle whereas sporting sandals.
Anyway, given this, it’s tempting to think about the types of pointlessly tough heroic rides Morton would be capable to full if solely he had entry to correct tools and never the throwaway crap his sponsors make him journey. That’s why I’m beginning a fundraising marketing campaign to purchase Lachlan Morton a good bicycle:
[Photo: Rivendell]
Good for the whole lot from Grand Tour race banditing to transcontinental gravel slogs–and simply restored to full performance in minutes with solely the contents of your Banana Sax:
[Photo: Rivendell]
With that bike, that bag, a multitool, some spare cables, and a pair of first rate sandals, he gained’t even want a sponsor anymore and he can ditch the SRAM-Pon bike eternally:
[Once u-Pon a time these were different companies.]
So click on under and provides generously:
Thanks.
Talking of roadies in misery, it was solely this previous spring that the Nationwide Biking League represented the “future {of professional} biking:”
Properly…possibly not:
However the excellent news is a minimum of the riders who have been laid off should alternative to “purchase fairness within the firm:”
Now, I’m no businessman, however shopping for fairness in an organization so fucked that not solely can’t it afford to pay your wage however it additionally wants all of your tools again doesn’t look like a very shrewd monetary resolution. However I assume “You’re fired, can we have now some cash?” doesn’t have the identical ring to it.
Lastly, I don’t typically open the mail bag right here on the weblog, however after I do you may make sure that it’s price your time and a spotlight:
Pricey Bike Snob,
Since summer time started, I’ve been using by the under Victorinox advert, positioned down close to the south finish of the Nice Hipster Silk Street, and questioning what use case it represents. Yesterday, I handed it on foot, so I ended to take a more in-depth look and… I nonetheless don’t know. I believed that possibly, along with your unparalleled grasp of the biking cultureways, you’d be capable to inform me what’s occurring right here.
Is it a mixture can opener and chain device? A way for prying a 12-speed chain from between the cogs of an 8-speed cassette? A brand new, experimental Rene Herse Ferdi Kübler-edition derailleur? I like Swiss Military knives, however to me they’re like WD-40: fantastic issues with a large number of makes use of, few if any of which apply to bicycles. I feel I have to be lacking one thing. Are you able to shed some mild?
Lightlessly, your reader,
Adam
Firstly, with regard to the so-called “Swiss Military Knife,” I might put forth that its uselessness goes properly past bicycles. It’s merely an assortment of awful instruments that preys upon the absurd human delusion that we’d by some means discover ourselves in a scenario through which or lives depend upon concurrently choosing our tooth, submitting our nails, and opening a bottle of wine. (And good luck opening that wine with that stubby-ass corkscrew.) As for what the hell the disembodied hand is doing to that bike, let’s take a more in-depth look:
That is certainly a vexing thriller, however my finest guess is that the rider is utilizing the bottle opener attachment (“I’m dying and I must open a bottle of Mexican Coke. DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE???”) so as to elevate the chain onto a sequence hanger earlier than eradicating the wheel:
After all I can’t ensure, however I like this principle as a result of, like a Swiss Military Knife, a sequence hanger is one thing that looks as if a fantastic concept however that you simply by no means truly use. Like, I do know a minimum of a few of my bikes have a sequence hanger, however I couldn’t start to let you know what number of as a result of I by no means truly use it–even the garments hook in THE CAR THAT I OWN appears indispensable compared. So, given the vested curiosity the Swiss have in perpetuating the false notion that their eponymous Military Knife is one thing you need to have with you always, in addition to their well-documented propensity for retaining their arms clear [see: numbered bank accounts, money laundering, etc.], I posit that the disembodied hand is hanging a sequence on a sequence hanger with a Swiss Military Knife while avoiding sullying itself with chain grime.
However I’m open to different concepts.
