Have you ever ever observed that typically the best issues can journey you up essentially the most? One minute you are feeling such as you’re rocking it, then rapidly, out of nowhere, one thing derails you and sends you spiraling backwards?
Why is that?
Consider it or not, typically it comes all the way down to our WORDS—actually our self discuss, and the issues that we are saying to ourselves.
As a result of let me let you know, the older I get, the extra I notice simply how a lot the phrases we use and the best way we discuss to ourselves even have a profound influence on our beliefs and our mindset, and our beliefs and mindset are what finally shapes our actions—the issues we do and the alternatives we make—which in flip shapes our outcomes.
So, to place it in quite simple phrases, if you happen to’re utilizing the fallacious phrases, you’ll get the fallacious outcomes.
And I can let you know that is one thing that’s true for me too. Whilst a aim setting junkie who’s been working alone private growth for years, I nonetheless battle with this on a regular basis. It’s a continuing battle to be intentional with my phrases and with my ideas, and never allow them to slip again into previous patterns and previous methods of pondering that haven’t served me previously.
And it’s been a great reminder for me that that is one thing that we ALL want to concentrate on and to work on, just about ALL the time.
As a result of actually, it’s not all the time straightforward. Typically it looks like our brains are simply hardwired to deal with the unfavourable and to search for the issues. We’re hardwired for self-protection and self-preservation, and typically meaning we’re continuously in search of what’s going fallacious, or what’s going to go fallacious, or what might go fallacious.
And so we are saying issues to ourselves like “I’ll by no means have the ability to do it” or “it’s simply too arduous” or “I’m all the time going to be this fashion” or “I’ve all the time struggled with this” or “I simply don’t have the willpower” or “it’s simply not meant to be” or “I’m simply too busy” or “I don’t come up with the money for” or “I’m not sturdy sufficient” or “I’m not adequate.”
And whereas it could appear to be these are simply phrases, they’re really extremely highly effective, as a result of each time we are saying one thing like that, we’re reinforcing a perception, not solely in our aware thoughts, but in addition in our unconscious thoughts, which is the place our actions finally stem from.
And it’s these actions—or lack of motion—that may all the time decide our outcomes.
However what if you happen to might change that? What if you happen to might change your phrases and alter your outcomes? What if you happen to might begin to be extra intentional along with your language and along with your self-talk, and reprogram your unconscious thoughts to BELIEVE that you may obtain your objectives?
Actually, that will be fairly highly effective, proper?
And the excellent news is that it’s really doable. However step one is all the time consciousness. You need to first acknowledge the phrases and phrases which can be holding you again with a purpose to change them.Â
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The three most harmful phrases in your vocabulary
So, let’s begin by speaking concerning the three most harmful phrases in your vocabulary, not less than in the case of dropping pounds and getting wholesome. I’ll guess you’re in all probability utilizing these phrases on a regular basis with out even realizing it. In reality, I just about assure it, as a result of it’s one thing nearly everybody says, and it’s one thing that’s grow to be so widespread in our tradition that we don’t even actually cease to consider it.
And people three phrases are “I don’t have.”
Let that sink in for only a minute. “I don’t have.”
Have you ever ever mentioned that earlier than? I’m guessing that you simply in all probability have. Possibly you’ve mentioned it out loud, however even if you happen to haven’t, I’m guessing that you simply’ve in all probability mentioned it to your self in your personal head.
“I don’t have sufficient time.”
“I don’t come up with the money for.”
“I don’t have sufficient willpower.”
“I don’t have sufficient power.”
“I don’t have the proper genetics.”
“I don’t have a supportive partner.”
“I don’t have a great metabolism.”
“I don’t have the proper sources.”
“I don’t have the power to prepare dinner wholesome meals.”
“I don’t have the proper fitness center gear.”
“I don’t have a fitness center membership.”
“I don’t have the proper instruments.”
“I don’t have the proper setting.”
“I don’t have the proper schooling.”
“I don’t have the proper help system.”
“I don’t have a great plan.”
“I don’t have the power to remain on monitor.”
The listing goes on and on and on and on. And whereas all of these items could FEEL true, the fact is that they’re merely not true. In reality, they’re all simply excuses.
None of these issues are literally true. However they FEEL true, as a result of they’re the phrases you’ve been utilizing to explain your state of affairs for therefore lengthy. They’re the phrases you retain telling your self again and again. They’re the phrases which have grow to be so ingrained in your thoughts and in your perception system that you simply don’t even notice you’re saying them anymore.
And people phrases—”I don’t have”—are extremely harmful, as a result of they’re extremely dis-empowering.
They take away your energy to vary, as a result of they make you consider that you simply’re caught and that you haven’t any management over your circumstances.
And the reality is that, when you could not have the ability to instantly change each single circumstance in your life, you ALWAYS have a selection in the way you reply to these circumstances.
You’ll be able to both select to maintain telling your self what you don’t have, and maintain getting the identical outcomes. Or you’ll be able to select to start out telling your self a distinct story, and really get completely different outcomes.
So the query is, if you happen to’re utilizing the phrases “I don’t have” after which following it with some sort of excuse, what are you actually selecting for your self? And is that the selection you wish to make?
The ability of reframing
However what if you happen to might make a distinct selection? What if you happen to might change your phrases, and alter your end result? What if you happen to might begin to re-frame your excuses and switch them into one thing empowering?
Properly, you’ll be able to. And it begins by altering only one phrase. As an alternative of claiming “I don’t have” you can begin saying “I received’t.”
“I received’t make time.”
“I received’t make investments the cash.”
“I received’t prioritize my well being.”
“I received’t change my habits.”
“I received’t get off the sofa.”
“I received’t prepare dinner wholesome meals.”
“I received’t handle myself.”
“I received’t get assist.”
“I received’t give up the sugar.”
“I received’t do the work.”
As a result of that’s the reality, proper? You’re not really doing these issues. You’re selecting to not do them. And once more, that’s a selection you get to make. However not less than once you begin to acknowledge it as a selection, you can begin to ask your self some necessary questions.
Questions like “why am I selecting this?” and “is that this actually what I need?” and “what would occur if I selected otherwise?” and “what do I stand to achieve, and what do I stand to lose?”
And people are actually highly effective questions, as a result of they power you to take an extended arduous take a look at what you’re actually saying to your self and the tales you’ve been telling your self for therefore lengthy.
And I feel you’ll be shocked at what you discover. I feel you’ll notice that a number of these excuses that begin with “I don’t have” are actually simply concern in disguise. Worry of the unknown. Worry of change. Worry of failure. Worry of success. Worry of what different folks will suppose. Worry of the trouble required. Worry of shedding the consolation and safety of your present state of affairs.
And that’s okay. Worry is a really regular emotion, and it’s one thing that all of us need to take care of. However you don’t need to let it maintain you again.
When you notice that each one of these “I don’t have” statements are only a selection, you can begin to make a brand new selection. You can begin to decide on to acknowledge your concern, after which take motion regardless of it. You’ll be able to select to be courageous. You’ll be able to select to consider in your self. You’ll be able to select to take small steps ahead, even if you happen to’re not 100% positive of the end result.
And that’s the place the actual magic occurs—once you begin to take motion based mostly on the brand new decisions you’re making for your self. As a result of each time you are taking motion, regardless of how small, it adjustments your momentum. It propels you ahead. It offers you power and confidence to maintain going. It lets you begin reaping the rewards of your new decisions.
And all of it begins with the easy act of fixing your phrases.
The way to change your phrases and alter your outcomes
So, now that we’re conscious of those three little phrases which have such a big effect on our capacity to succeed—”I don’t have”—and now that we’ve talked about how harmful and dis-empowering they are often, it’s in all probability value taking a couple of minutes to speak about what to do subsequent.
In spite of everything, consciousness is simply step one. When you’re conscious of what you’re really saying to your self and the best way these phrases are impacting your mindset, you can begin to be extra intentional in selecting completely different phrases.
So, how do you try this?
Properly, actually, it’s so simple as recognizing once you’re utilizing these three little phrases after which making a aware determination to decide on completely different phrases.
For instance, let’s say you catch your self saying “I don’t have sufficient time.” As an alternative of claiming that, you might say “this isn’t a precedence for me proper now.”
Or as a substitute of claiming “I don’t come up with the money for.” You can say “I’m selecting to spend my cash on different issues proper now.”
Or as a substitute of claiming “I don’t have the proper sources.” You can say “I haven’t discovered the proper sources but.”
Or as a substitute of claiming “I don’t have the proper help system.” You can say “I’m selecting to not search out a help system.”
And which may really feel somewhat bit uncomfortable at first, as a result of it forces you to take possession over your personal decisions. However I promise you that it’s much more empowering than persevering with to inform your self the identical previous story.
And each time you catch your self utilizing these three little phrases and select to re-frame your assertion, you’re taking again management. You might be selecting your personal path. You might be telling your self a brand new story.
And that, my good friend, is the place actual change occurs.
