Tour de France Will get Extremely-Inventive In 2024

The route of the Tour de France appears to have hit the airwaves formally at present and there’s a LOT to cowl. Since issues are shifting quickly, I’ll toss out what for me stand out because the highlights

Stage 1: Wait, we’re in Italy? For the TOUR?!

I’ve lengthy surmised, based mostly on nothing greater than an inventory of previous Tour routes, that they needed nothing to do with Italian something if they might assist it. Perhaps it was a petty rivalry with the Giro d’Italia, or not a lot petty as merely sensible — the world doesn’t want a French Giro when it already has a (often spectacular) Italian one? That’s the beneficiant studying. The likelier situation is that Henri Desgranges is rolling over in his grave. Anyway, now we are going to know what it’s like for Canadian followers to observe hockey video games performed in Arizona.

[Side note: Rimini? Is the Tour currying favor with its temporary hosts by doing a Pantani tribute stage? Was this negotiated into the deal for the Grand Départ? Sigh…]

Stage 2: It’s the Giro dell’Emilia Tribute Stage!!!

There’s an previous Simpson’s bit the place Homer responds to one in all his youngsters feeling ignored by society with “I’m between the ages of 18 and 45, everybody listens to me!” and he pulls out a product known as “nuts and gum: collectively ultimately!” That is just about how I really feel proper now. The Giro dell’Emilia and the Tour de France. Collectively ultimately.

Stage 4: It’s the 1949 Giro Tribute Stage!!!

OK, now they’re simply trolling me. The stage begins in Pinerolo, ending level of the well-known stage 17 of the 1949 Giro the place Coppi went on his solo trip for the ages, and reverses that course over Sestriere and Montgenèvre, earlier than breaking off for a “fuck it, we’re simply using the Galibier” monster stage, earlier than the riders have had time to get used to being again on French soil. I assume they might have caught with the bit longer and accomplished the Izoard and Vars climbs (Vars reveals up in week 3), however you received’t hear me complaining. I might be too busy yelling at everybody to purchase Dino Buzzati’s books.

Stage 9: Gravel Is All the things Now

If you happen to weren’t positive that this was the least conventional Tour ever, effectively… we are going to get to that extra in a bit. However that is one other brick in that wall.

And it’s all types of good. The riders appear to find it irresistible, and are fairly used to bits of off-roading by now anyway. It’s stage 9, early sufficient to not seal the race however late sufficient for the opening nerves and crashiness to have worn off. It’ll have a 99.9% approval ranking, a stage even Roger De Vlaeminck can’t complain about. And the bike trade might be positively giddy effectively previous the next relaxation day.

A number of Levels: They’re Going The place?!?

Sorry if this isn’t an amazing map, however… the place are these locations? What are these climbs?

This Tour has in all probability fewer previous requirements than any I can bear in mind. Properly, the Pyrénéen phases are fairly recognizable, however after that, actually solely the Galibier stands out. Le Lioran? Superdévoluy? Isola 2000? Col de Couillole? Even among the repeats are nonetheless uncommon, just like the Cime de la Bonette.

That is all excellent news to me. I’m not going to geek out on track profiles; I’ve spent sufficient years getting too enthusiastic about “take a look at that line on my laptop! It’s actually going up!!” to only do that out of context. What strikes me although is that the riders received’t know a whole lot of these roads and must take care of going off any type of script. That alone ought to make for improbable racing.

Stage 21 AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME!!!

Sorry however I simply can’t react to this being the ultimate stage with out lapsing into profanity. In a great way.

I get that they’re skipping Paris for the primary time ever — the last word break with custom in the complete sport of biking. It’s in regards to the Olympics. Or about Parisians getting one Sunday again from the visitors insanity related to internet hosting sporting occasions, earlier than the shit actually hits the fan. [Presumably all of Paris will have escaped by then, and in fact the lack of a Tour finishing stage gives them an excuse to leave even sooner.]

However this can in all probability be the only most essential stage of the Tour, given how tight even the largest mountain phases are typically raced today (lo, the Roglification!). It’s the longest of the 2 TTs by 10km, and it features a good bit of climbing, to the purpose the place it would power everybody again onto their common street bike, or one thing near it.

It doesn’t should be shades of 1989 per se, it’s not like we haven’t had a great deal of decisive cronos on the eve of Paris. But when the largest issues popping out of 2023 have been that Jumbo have been too dominant and the race was over a bit early, all of those wrinkles, the steadiness of expertise together with off-road ones, capped off with a last day mountain ITT, ought to remedy these “issues” in a dramatic means.

Total Ranking: A++

I prefer to suppose I’m hard-headed in assessing the Tour course, not less than in contrast to some different races the place I lack all objectivity. So I assume that is my means of claiming, technique to get inventive, ASO! Ultimately the riders will resolve the race and thrilling racing doesn’t all the time observe thrilling course design, however this might be an extremely refreshing expertise if there’s any type of a GC battle taking place in any respect. I completely find it irresistible.

What say ye?